You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
