I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
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She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
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First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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