why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
