3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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