Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
