I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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