I wish my penis had an off switch
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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