we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
