do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
