We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
