im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
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She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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