No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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