Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
