Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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