____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You have to summon your inner elephant
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
