i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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