I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Please don't give away my fajitas
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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