please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
