omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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