it was like his penis was on wheels.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
