The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
