I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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