i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
