the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
