Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
