YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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