it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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