Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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