cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
