What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
my liver is dry heaving
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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