If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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