Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
50% drunk capacity currently
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
