You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
