I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
