I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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