Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
