Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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