Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I didn't notice because vodka
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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