I'm pants shitting drunk right now
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
