True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
