So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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