i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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