dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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