The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
