Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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