Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
