Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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