I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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