What did we do last night that was yellow?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
