there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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