At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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