you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
