dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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