I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
