Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
