i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
