A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize