her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
