Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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