i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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